"Damaged emotion affects our lives"

Today, I'm not gonna talk about that love of my life. Hahahahaha!!! (Okay I just did...)

Anyway! I was very intimidated by last Saturday's sermon. Wait! More like inspired by it. How small we humans are. I feel so tiny. So weak. So...... vulnerable! We're easily bruised, easily hurt and easily give up on something we're holding on to.

That's really true! But hey, Pain is inevitable, misery is an option! Why go letting our emotions consume us? We gotta keep staying UP in down times. SMILE!!! Though you're heart is breaking. And Pastor Keith (If I'm not mistaken) said that, this is Christianity at its best. So what does that actually mean? I'm still figuring it out. Don't ask me! Well, I guess what he was trying to tell is that no one is problem free. Just treat your problems like the questions in your exams. TRY TO SOLVE 'EM!!! Oh of cuz, by believing that God will be your problem solver (the invisible one.. HA!).

Honestly, I never believe in God this much in my life. I mean, the feelings are getting stronger and stronger. I left Him once, He waited till I get back. In fact I left Him twice but He never gave up on me. I always let my feelings win over my heart. I left God because of the grudges I have inside of me to Him. I didn't have enough faith. I was weak. But THANK GOD He keeps believing, believe in me, believe that I will come back to Him. Thank God He never let me go, never gave up on me. And thank God I've finally come to my senses, He brought me back to church again. And I'm more thankful than ever.

Pastor told us "Your choices create your future", as in your currently life is the summation of the choices that you've made in the past. Sorry Lord, stupid mistakes I've made and thank You Lord for forgiving me over and over again.

So here's 3 ways to heal your damaged emotions:

1. Give the guilt to God. - Ask for forgiveness, TRUST in Him.

2. Let go of your grief. - Deal with it with the right perspective, of cuz of God. Accept what cannot be changed.

3. Replace your grudges - Well, this is the most challenging one but give it to Him. When you're angry, you pray! Pray that God will give you the ability to reason, to be rational. And of cuz to HOLD you grudges.

I've been through quite a lot in my life. Being the only Christian in the family wasn't easy at all. I was not accepted, I was always mocked, I was despised (by my brother). Shaky Christian life. And then when I went to college I didn't have time for church because I was always travelling here and there. Then when I came to university I found a church which treated me like family but I couldn't take it. They were too into God. All the church activities was too much for me. When I said I don't feel like joining because I'm really tired (seriously I was tired) and the sister will go "I dunno, it's up to you. This is between you and God. Pray to Him and see what He says"... The way she said it is like making you DAMN guilty that no matter how tired you are you should pull yourself together and JOIN because God will never go, Oh today I don't feel like listening to your prayer, I don't feel like being the invisible guest in this church... I DON'T FEEL LIKE blah blah blah..... and the morning revival thing, worse! I know i know, DISCIPLINE!!! But dude, I will do it if I'm willing. God doesn't force us to do anything. Sometimes I just have too much to do I can't get up in the morning so stop making me feeling guilty already. (Oppsss, I just let my grudge loose)

*Heavy sigh* You have no idea how much I wanna run away from God. They made God so scary to me. Since then, I stop seeing God for like.... almost 9 months. I COULDN'T BELIVE IT!!! They really ruined my church life... Spoooookie! My damaged heart really affected the shit outta my life. THANK GOD I am saved ONCE AGAIN! Thank God you reached out for me! Hallelujah!

To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing. - Martin Luther King jr.

So I was resurrected? Hell ya! I'm alive again! And it's so friggin' awesome! I wanna continue to live for Him. I dowanna ever leave Him again. Not everyone has second chance. I had my third chance. I don't hope for the forth because I wanna be with Him forever, never let this wonderful connection I have with God go ever! Lover of my soul, you completed me.