Untitled =]

So I was watching this movie titled "Letters to Juliet" by Amanda Seyfried. What a lovely movie. Thought me about LOVE. Lesson of love. Here we go again!

So in this movie, there's a particular scene I really like.

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?

But if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.

Something like that. It is really true. What if. We always complicate stuff. Love is supposed to be simple for Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... Okay! Kinda out of topic... What I'm trying to say is, if only we "just do it"! Go to the face of the one you love and tell him/her, Hey! I like you. Wouldn't things be so much much more simpler? I really wish I have the guts to tell that guy I like that I like him. TOO BAD! I don't have guts! (I should be worry if I have...)

Anyway, a super stupid thing I did. He fell sick, I bought him a card which was supposed to be given out to him when I see him. But sadly we didn't go visit him so the card, still with me, laying on my desk collecting dust. AWESOME! Sherroy told me to give it to him. Well, I'll see.

You know this song by Jesse McCartney Stupid Things?

There you go. I like the chorus. "... And all the stupid things I do have absolutely no reflection on how I feel about you." Hahaha! I think all the stupid things I did should be stopped since it's a waste of time. TRUE STORY! He didn't even care. Why should I be wasting my precious time? I guess Berry will say "LOOK WHO'S TALKING?!" cuz she bets I will continue be stupid. TRUE STORY! Oh kill me already!!!

Right! If it's true love, its never too late. BERRY I'm telling you this. So, go on and have fun. If he's yours, he'll eventually be yours. I truly believe it. So yea, I wish the best for ya sista!

OHHH!!! I nearly forgot about my dream!!! So I had this really bad dream about I was in this island. The sky was sooooo clear! The sea was soooooo blue! Beautiful. I was sitting in this super small canoe on the beach (YES the beach. Not in the middle of the sea) rocking side to side while sunbathing (I wanna be tanned cuz I couldn't get fair =.=). And then there's him. Talking to me. Don't really remember what we chatted and then he got call and left me there.

So I continue looking around and there's this super super super weird scary looking forest on the other side of the island. SPOOOOKAY! And I dunno which ass hole cursed the sky, cursed God and all sudden! the trees all shrunk. The cloud shrunk too. The sky turned black and the sea.... OMG i don't even dare to think. (Sorry the dream was pretty messy and no point). I even saw my dog in it! That dog died like ages ago... Man I miss him. So ya! The island got really scary. All the people in that island were running. I ran too. It was like the end of the world! I actually thought I was gonna die! Stuck in limbo forever. Hahahahahaha! And then I got up. PHEW!!!!!! I couldn't imagine if it went on. I will die die die for real. Hahahahaha!!!

Funny thing is, when I looked for Berry to talk, I was so emotional. I never thank God so much I was alive. Too many things I haven't done. I dowanna leave this world just like that. I wanna go Europe! US! Most importantly, I wanna get married!!!

OH!!! Another song which came across my mind just now. Boyzone's Everyday I Love You.

It says, ".... and you'll never live until you love with all your heart and soul." Heck ya! Keith Tay said two weeks consecutively about the happiness of life comes when you love and be loved. Brilliant! Well said. So much in me right now I just wanna spit it all out. Oh well, love does not boast so I'm just gonna keep it to myself. TEEHEE!

Forget tomorrow, I just wanna JUMP! --- Simple Plan

If you believe...

Things were simple back then,

Because as a kid we believe in almost everything.

Things aren't the same anymore,

Because we doubt in almost anything.

Why can't life be less complicated?

Why can't we just believe in each other?

If we believe,

I guess the world would be a better place.

If we believe,

I believe there'll be less crimes less politic issues.

If we believe,

The world will be filled with peace and harmony.

If we believe,

Maybe the world wouldn't end so soon.

I fought myself to believe,

That what's mine will eventually be mine.

I don't doubt God's plan for me,

Imma just gonna wait for it.

When you believe,

Your life will have so much joy than sorrow.

When you believe,

Even the slightest chance became possible.

When you believe,

Nothing in this world could stop you from your dreams.

If you could only believe,

Everything will be alright.

Just believe!

And your life would be changed today!

Believe in yourself, your family and friends,

Believe in Jesus for He has died on the cross for you and me.

*Amen*

"Damaged emotion affects our lives"

Today, I'm not gonna talk about that love of my life. Hahahahaha!!! (Okay I just did...)

Anyway! I was very intimidated by last Saturday's sermon. Wait! More like inspired by it. How small we humans are. I feel so tiny. So weak. So...... vulnerable! We're easily bruised, easily hurt and easily give up on something we're holding on to.

That's really true! But hey, Pain is inevitable, misery is an option! Why go letting our emotions consume us? We gotta keep staying UP in down times. SMILE!!! Though you're heart is breaking. And Pastor Keith (If I'm not mistaken) said that, this is Christianity at its best. So what does that actually mean? I'm still figuring it out. Don't ask me! Well, I guess what he was trying to tell is that no one is problem free. Just treat your problems like the questions in your exams. TRY TO SOLVE 'EM!!! Oh of cuz, by believing that God will be your problem solver (the invisible one.. HA!).

Honestly, I never believe in God this much in my life. I mean, the feelings are getting stronger and stronger. I left Him once, He waited till I get back. In fact I left Him twice but He never gave up on me. I always let my feelings win over my heart. I left God because of the grudges I have inside of me to Him. I didn't have enough faith. I was weak. But THANK GOD He keeps believing, believe in me, believe that I will come back to Him. Thank God He never let me go, never gave up on me. And thank God I've finally come to my senses, He brought me back to church again. And I'm more thankful than ever.

Pastor told us "Your choices create your future", as in your currently life is the summation of the choices that you've made in the past. Sorry Lord, stupid mistakes I've made and thank You Lord for forgiving me over and over again.

So here's 3 ways to heal your damaged emotions:

1. Give the guilt to God. - Ask for forgiveness, TRUST in Him.

2. Let go of your grief. - Deal with it with the right perspective, of cuz of God. Accept what cannot be changed.

3. Replace your grudges - Well, this is the most challenging one but give it to Him. When you're angry, you pray! Pray that God will give you the ability to reason, to be rational. And of cuz to HOLD you grudges.

I've been through quite a lot in my life. Being the only Christian in the family wasn't easy at all. I was not accepted, I was always mocked, I was despised (by my brother). Shaky Christian life. And then when I went to college I didn't have time for church because I was always travelling here and there. Then when I came to university I found a church which treated me like family but I couldn't take it. They were too into God. All the church activities was too much for me. When I said I don't feel like joining because I'm really tired (seriously I was tired) and the sister will go "I dunno, it's up to you. This is between you and God. Pray to Him and see what He says"... The way she said it is like making you DAMN guilty that no matter how tired you are you should pull yourself together and JOIN because God will never go, Oh today I don't feel like listening to your prayer, I don't feel like being the invisible guest in this church... I DON'T FEEL LIKE blah blah blah..... and the morning revival thing, worse! I know i know, DISCIPLINE!!! But dude, I will do it if I'm willing. God doesn't force us to do anything. Sometimes I just have too much to do I can't get up in the morning so stop making me feeling guilty already. (Oppsss, I just let my grudge loose)

*Heavy sigh* You have no idea how much I wanna run away from God. They made God so scary to me. Since then, I stop seeing God for like.... almost 9 months. I COULDN'T BELIVE IT!!! They really ruined my church life... Spoooookie! My damaged heart really affected the shit outta my life. THANK GOD I am saved ONCE AGAIN! Thank God you reached out for me! Hallelujah!

To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing. - Martin Luther King jr.

So I was resurrected? Hell ya! I'm alive again! And it's so friggin' awesome! I wanna continue to live for Him. I dowanna ever leave Him again. Not everyone has second chance. I had my third chance. I don't hope for the forth because I wanna be with Him forever, never let this wonderful connection I have with God go ever! Lover of my soul, you completed me.

Didn't know where to turn to...

I'm the kinda person who keeps most things to myself. Actually, telling those stuff about "him" to my bffs were kinda odd. I don't usually do that. I really have no idea what went wrong. But I just want everyone to know I'm in love with this guy. A guy who may not even care if I existed or not.

But now, it has come to this point that, I don't dare to mention about "him" anymore. I mean, I still do mention him to my friends but not that frequent anymore. Sometimes I typed something about him wanting to tell my friends but ended up deleting those messages because I'm so afraid that I might annoy them. Ah come on! No one wants to hear my talking about "him" every single second. Pfffftttt... how pathetic I am. Missing someone that doesn't miss me back. Falling for someone that will not be there to catch me.

This is so sick! Why is he freaking younger than me? What a confidence killer! Bummer!!!!!!!! Why is he such a perfectionist? I don't even get the chance to catch his eyes. And why the hell he means so much to me when I barely know him? Why we have so much in common? Why when he told me he was jealous about the same thing I jealous about, I wanna run to him and hug him? (This one I know why, because I know how exactly that feels. It's like everyone in your family denies you, you're doing great but never good enough.)

Above all, WHY THE HELL I WANNA FALL FOR HIM?! Kill me somebody!

Gotta get back to study.

Love in a series of unfortunate events...

So I was chatting with Evelyns. Yes, two Evelyns that I love as much. They were both damn emo. Let's do a case study on these two ladies, came out with the same conclusion.

Case 1:

Evenlyn Low aka Berry. She tends to link things together. I don't blame her. Sometimes things coincide that you just can't deny they are related. So she was all complaining why he wanna come stalking me and then post something like that?!

BUT! She said she rather pain then no feeling or losing his attention (something like that... not sure if I misinterpreted...) Then I was like what the heck?! You think very syok izzit? And told her...

"Guys we meet are horrible. Lemme show you example using the Japan Earthquake. So they came into our lives, create an Earthquake and left a huge impact on us that we're needed to be hospitalized. Fine, then after being discharged, another disaster come again. Very syok la now?"

Gee, I didn't know where that came from but it sure made a lot of sense. I should have become a journalist she said. Hahahahaha!!! And this stupid girl doesn't mind being tortured. Anyway, love is like a series of unfortunate events. MORE TO COME.

Case 2:

Evelyn Yan the siao tu kia. She also emo. Pengsan. She was like a rebound. Poor thing. Rebound of two fellas. Both jerks but both are my close friends too. Gee! I dunno what to do about it. She was desperate to get outta this shit. She does really really like one of that two. But he was kind of a turn off today. She was like I dowanna wait anymore. So sick of it. And I was telling her that I wrote that Japan Earthquake thing to another Evelyn. She was all laughing. Saying the next disaster would be Tsunami.

Hmm... true that. But I told her, more like Hurricane. Because when they come back again, they roll you up so high using the twister and smack you right on the floor when it's over. Jit tao ka pun boh chun ah (Hokkien, sorry, it means fall till leg also gone... Hahahahaha)

So is Love really a series of unfortunate events? I really really do wonder. Sometimes it seems so near, yet the guys playing things cool. Dude! We're not fishes or the kite okay?! Stop tilting and letting it loose and tilting again. This is annoying! We're not enjoying it. It's physically, mentally and emotionally torturing us. Please be nice. PLEASE BE A MAN!

But still I wanna thank God that guy I like, He's nothing like those people. (YET to find out...) His presence in my life has transformed me. I feel anew. I'm glad I've changed. To a better person instead of someone I'm not. One thing that is so depressing is that I can't seem to find a way to get closer to him. Or maybe it's cuz I'm a chicken? Hahahahaha!

Whatever now, super sleepy! Gonna take a long long nap...

PEACE!

Looking back...

I still couldn't really believe that I'm 21 already! Time flies really like nobody's business. T.T

Okay, "A Girl Like Me" was deleted and "Story of A Girl" was created. (Hmm... still a girl!)

2011! Man, I wrote so many new year's resolutions. I think so far I only achieved one. SORRY! I FAILED THE OTHERS! Not determined enough. TEEHEE!

To be honest, I feel I've changed alot over the years. Becoming more and more feminine (Seriously, this felt somewhat weird.). OH! I gotten myself my FIRST EVER BB Cream just now. Like seriously man! Never in my life likes putting on make ups. IT'S SO TROUBLESOME! But guys usually judge a girl with their appearance... So, I need to be more presentable. Else, I'm gonna be a lou gu po forever. (I dowannnn~~~~!!!!) So YA! I need to transform myself a lil. Just a lil...

Lately been talking a lot about guys with my bunch my crazy chixx! Girls, you guys are awesome! You know who you are...

Just now was having this chat with Yan. LMAO!!! We have visions for the man we're into right now. GOSHH!!! The conversation seemed stupid but who cares!?

Visions visions oooo visions! Those visions even changed my mind about giving birth. I DID'T WANT A KID! But he totally changed my mind about it. (Yikes! I must be crazy already!)

Ah man! So what I've been up to lately? I went back to church again!!! I'm really happy about this fact. To be in the midst of God again. Why did I left church? My psychological problem or izzit the people? They're so nice it felt like family. Yet, sometimes they seem to act differently from what they say. Sometimes makes me wonder if they take it too seriously that turned them to be a lil too extreme. I felt that they have completely turned me into someone I'm not. And I was living in disguise.

OH WELL!!! I've left that church Start all over again. Time won't wait but God WILL.

Is CHC the right church for me? I'm not so sure yet. Didn't really felt the presence of God during worship. Worship, to me, is the most important part of Christian life after prayers. Its how you communicate with God, get closer and be deeper in love with Him. Or izzit that I wasn't really opened up yet? We shall see. I wanna be committed to Him. Else, I cannot commit in anything I do.

Gosh! I need to clean my room now. Worse than a guy's room i think. PENGSAN!!!

Seriously this lazy bug in me needs pest control. Hopeless!

Today's quote?

Time won't wait, God will =P

You made me believe

O how long has it been?

Since my last talk about Love & relationship.

One, two, three, four, five?

Man, I don't even wanna talk about it.

It's not that single life isn't fun,

It's just that sometimes you feel like wanna be someone special.

Sitting at the window watching the pouring rain,

Can't help wondering why I'm still not coupled.

There are times you get so desperate you wanna crack,

But come to think about it,

Single ain't that bad after all.

But that was then.

He walked in my life one day,

Took me by surprise.

I thought he's just gonna be another life passerby.

Yet, his smiling face keeps appearing in my mind,

Stuck inside beginning to flourish.

Guess that's what people called "love at first sight".

O ya I'm not going to deny,

Because I believe you're gonna be the love of my life.

Vinod said I'm happier than ever,

Berry said I'm like a high girl in love.

I admit I was never better.

He definitely is my very own ecstasy.

Cliche but Everyday is not Sunday.

No matter how clear the road ahead seems to be,

It is going to be foggy.

I keep trying to convince myself,

That you could be the one God has prepared for me.

Dreams are for fool,

They'll let you down.

I realized I somewhat not qualified,

Not good enough to be that part of his life.

I'm scared,

Terrified about what's gonna happen next.

Finding out the awful truth in an unpleasant way,

Guess that's the hardest part the story has to be played.

Wondering how long this is going to take,

But I'm just gonna believe in whatever decision God has made.

xxx

Crazier by Taylor Swift

He could be the one =P

People say you know you're in love when that special someone is always on your mind. He's like the sun that shines in the morning, the moon lights in the night sky. He's always there.

I'm the little girl (alright alright... not little girl anymore! But not yet a woman.) who has the same dream as any other girl, that is to meet her true love. While waiting for the arrival of her prince charming, she can't help wondering how he looks like, how he's gonna be like. Sometimes she feels all emo because she hasn't found THE ONE yet. But sometimes she's thankful cuz she doesn't think she's ready for commitment. Still, secretly she dreams about her future under the blanket, when no ones around.

The day she dreams about seems so clear right now. She couldn't even differentiate which is virtual, which is reality. She couldn't believe she has finally found someone she could call THE ONE.

This song by Miley Cyrus goes,

Smooth-talking
So rockin'
He's got everything that a girl's wantin'
Guitar cutie
He plays it groovy
And I can't keep myself from doing something stupid

He's lightning
Sparks are flyin'
Everywhere I go he's always on my mind and
I'm goin' crazy
About him lately
And I can't help myself from how my heart is racing

Think I'm really digging on his vibe
He really blows me away

He could be the one...

It exactly describes how this stupid girl called ME is feeling. Believe in love at first sight? You may ask. I do. I really really do. I met this guy and I ACCIDENTALLY fell in love with him. Fell in love with his smile (Geez! Contagious!).

He's not super handsome but definitely good looking. He's not super tall but he's strong enough to protect me. Most importantly, he's a Christian. And for the first time in my entire life, I beg God so that He would let him be THE ONE. Because, for the first time in my life, I found someone that I could tell my friend, he's the kinda guy I wanna marry. I really do. I even thought about our future IF we get together. I really wish he's THE ONE standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me and then takes my hand and vows to love me forever (Now I feel really silly...). TEEHEE!!!

He's super funny, loves to bully me but I'm not sure if he cares about me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just another girl in his life. Yet, his action tells me maybe there's something more. I remember almost all the things he said and some really keeps me wonder.

My friends were very supportive. All of them. (Thank God Sherroy too because I knew she wouldn't like about THAT factor that keeps bothering me). I'm glad that they all liked him. (Finally, some guy I wanna date that's not being denied by them... YAY!!!). They wished the best for me but I fear I will fall too deeply.

Oh well, like everyone else says, If he's yours, he will be. So right now I'm just gonna leave this to God. And of cuz pray that he really is THE ONE. Call me crazy, call me despo. Oh, and this lady Miss Evelyn the Evil, sorry you have to deal with all my hiao-ness lately. Hahahahaha... You ROCK!!! I will keep my hopes up. You too babe!!! Because I believe in believing. Hahahahaha... Sometimes you just gotta believe it.

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss

This is so true. I barely sleep lately. Teehee! This fact can be proved by Miss Berry Low. Because she woke me up using his name. Hahahahaha.

More to come. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. *peace*