Emo queen is back?

What is this all about? I dunno what am I writing this. Frustrated perhaps. I'm so tired of being misunderstood.

So first was my mum, then my brother, after that my dad too... And now? Joshua. AWESOME! Husky voice or low key doesn't mean I'm mad or speak in frustration okay? I really am frustrated right now. I seriously don't understand. Yes I know the way I speak sometimes like damn rude but fucker! I didn't fucking mean it alright?! Sentence construct wrong also kena. Chao cibai eh! I was just talking normally, no mood fluctuation also kena. WHAT THE FUCK?!

Called Vinod just now and I guess I shocked him a lil because I sensed the way he spoke to me was a lil cautious. Sorry I had to cry on the phone because I was really tired of being accused for something I didn't do. Joshua didn't know I cried cuz of that argument we had. I feel sorry it had to be that way because that was the second time he accused me. I know you're not happy because you lost your wallet but it doesn't you can just blame the world.

Think back I still feel sorry for myself. It's like things I say always being taken the wrong way. Nan jeongmal ihaega an dwaeyo! Wae?! Wae geulesso?! Naega michyeogago isso!

Forget it. I'm big people. I don't wanna argue with whoever. Let them be... Not worth my time... Fuck you haters!

My Confession

Have you ever cried so hard you can barely breathe?
That the pain inside your heart fully consumed you?
Like a fire burning.
You tried to hold back your tears but it kept coming down,
Just Unstoppable.

Family issues are often complicated,
I took it seriously but acted like it didn't matter.
Not voicing it out doesn't mean I don't care,
I was just trying not to lose it.
Yet no matter what I do no matter what I say,
I'm just a pain in your ass who gets in your way.

Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me,
Am I the problem?
Or izzit you the one who made mr the problem?
It seems to me that nothing,
NOTHING I've said pleased you.
What is wrong?
With you or with me?

I really hate it when I'm misunderstood.
But God knows how many times shit happened,
So many times I just wanna get the hell outta this place.
It was never my intention to makes you mad,
Somehow my face alone drives you insane.

You always think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do,
You always disapprove.
You never listen but you always judge.
Why the hell I tried so hard to impress?
Being on the edge of breaking down but you won't even look my way.

I guess I've finally found my mind,
To finally see the true colour and what you're like.
Forgive for what I'm gonna do,
Like I said it was never my intention to drive you cuckoo.

Optimist to Pessimist?

What do we have here? I was all hyped about my vision and now?

Because I think I just hit the wall. OUCH!

I know I know.... It's a lil too early to give up. I'm not giving up yet. I still like him like alot alot... It's just that, I dowanna spend my time thinking about him for a moment.

So ya, Imma put him into the freezer. I wanna take Seung Gi outta the fridge. Damn awful! But I love Seung Gi =P

Seung Gi: VICTORY!!!

I realize how crazy I was in love with Seung Gi. He was all I ever talked about before I met L. And after I met L, L is all I ever talk about. It's not right at all.

I guess this song was the reason I decided to store L in the freezer. I would be happier without have to think about him I guess. At least thinking about Seung Gi will never ever make me feel sad. Geez, I don't think I'm talking normally now. I don't even know what am I trying to say.

Oh well, for this moment of time, store L in the freezer that is.

What am I to you?

I start to feel like you're a stranger to me now. I know it's funny to say this cuz we've met like 2 months ago... You're so complicated... Like a puzzle and I have to keep searching for the missing pieces.

You've been hurt, I know that for a fact. All you want to do if have fun right now.

But why did you have to look at me and say those stuff about meeting new girls? Why do you have to ask me what I was thinking? Why did you wanna dig into my thoughts? Kept me wondering what's on your mind.

Part of me still think we were brought together by fate. Part of me think that maybe you're just another test I have to sit for. I really dunno. I'm not lost. I just dunno where I stand in your heart. As a really good friend? Or someone you wanna know more? Or just another church mate?

I really wanna know...

Random

For those who've known me for a long time, they should know that I'm a very random person. I can go craving for pop corn in the middle of the night or go to chill in starbucks alone.

Random. And I'm so bored sitting in the bus with Jack in my arms. Oh! Did I mention? Vinod got me a kangaroo =.= I was just jokingly mentioned and he actually got me one. So ya, it's Jack! 

Vinod that ass faced monkey! And hey this kangaroo look so much like him. And it's brown! Hahaha definitely is Vinod in disguise. Random!  And you know what I feel like doing now?? Eat udon!!! UDON!!! Damn I'm so hungry now! And it's so cold in the bus my fingers are numb. Ya! Cuz the smart me forgot my jacket on the chair. Oh well, I will survive.  

Anyway, I was so randomly thinking, what if L and I ended up like tae hung and miho? Not my pet tortoises! The two in the series. It's like when L realize my feelings for him when everything is too late. Will that happen? To be honest I'm not jealous kinda person. Though it breaks to see him getting close with other girls. But this is because he doesn't talk to me!!! If he replies me and all, I don't think I will go emo and all.  

Ah who cares? Being random isn't good. It makes me the hot and cold person I am. And when I feel like it, I will do it with all I am. When I don't, don't even bother to talk me to do something. Random! Now I wanna watch drama but it'd be very weird. But I couldn't sleep! Why? Cuz I just couldn't!  

Oh! This is so much more random! I feel like doing this in the future. You know the States likes to have this Hug for charity or Kiss for charity thingy where people donate money and get a hug or kiss from me. Then I will give the money away to do some charity. It's gonna be awesome!!!  Anyway, it's just random thoughts. I think I'm outta my mind. Better stop!

Before I end, I wish to dedicate this song to L.

You're my reflection

The title may seem a lil weird but today I'm telling a story about who was I and what kinda person I used to be like.

When I see that guy of my dream, let's call him L, he always reminds me of me. Well, not the current me but the old me. I mean young me?! Ah! The me a couple of years back. Why do I say so? It's cuz we have too much in common. I was crazy, lazy, messed up (sleeping time I mean) and I still am, talk nonstop, flirty... Another thing is L likes to shake or jump in the elevator, too! Hahahaha! Xiang yin used to hate me so much for doing that.

It's funny how you see yourself in someone. The another me. We're both the only Christian at home. I was pretty surprised. Another similarity. He's tough on the outside, soft on the inside. He's hot and cold, he likes Simple Plan... Too much in common I couldn't recall. Oh! We support the same football team and hate MU!!! F*** you MU!!! And one thing I know for sure, friends are very important to the both of us.

It seems like I've found myself instead of The One huh?! LoL! But it's good to have someone who agrees with you. The feeling is just so awesome. Same personalities except one thing! He's not a very on-time person. Or maybe he was just busy? Oh well, still need to work on that.

Oh, he loves horror movies too! And he listens to those songs I listen to. Uncountable.

One thing I wish he's not like me. Please do not be a clumsy person like me. It's funny how Joshua said sarcastically to me, "Call yourself miss independent?! Please la! So damn clumsy. You need someone to take care of you. You can even fall when you're just standing still." Hmm, wish he'd be the one to take care for me.

You know, I kinda think the both of us look a lil alike. Okay maybe he's the good looking one. Oh well... Don't think I can continue writing on the bumpy road when the bus is shaking like a boat. Gonna passed out soon. Till then!

Untitled =]

So I was watching this movie titled "Letters to Juliet" by Amanda Seyfried. What a lovely movie. Thought me about LOVE. Lesson of love. Here we go again!

So in this movie, there's a particular scene I really like.

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?

But if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.

Something like that. It is really true. What if. We always complicate stuff. Love is supposed to be simple for Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... Okay! Kinda out of topic... What I'm trying to say is, if only we "just do it"! Go to the face of the one you love and tell him/her, Hey! I like you. Wouldn't things be so much much more simpler? I really wish I have the guts to tell that guy I like that I like him. TOO BAD! I don't have guts! (I should be worry if I have...)

Anyway, a super stupid thing I did. He fell sick, I bought him a card which was supposed to be given out to him when I see him. But sadly we didn't go visit him so the card, still with me, laying on my desk collecting dust. AWESOME! Sherroy told me to give it to him. Well, I'll see.

You know this song by Jesse McCartney Stupid Things?

There you go. I like the chorus. "... And all the stupid things I do have absolutely no reflection on how I feel about you." Hahaha! I think all the stupid things I did should be stopped since it's a waste of time. TRUE STORY! He didn't even care. Why should I be wasting my precious time? I guess Berry will say "LOOK WHO'S TALKING?!" cuz she bets I will continue be stupid. TRUE STORY! Oh kill me already!!!

Right! If it's true love, its never too late. BERRY I'm telling you this. So, go on and have fun. If he's yours, he'll eventually be yours. I truly believe it. So yea, I wish the best for ya sista!

OHHH!!! I nearly forgot about my dream!!! So I had this really bad dream about I was in this island. The sky was sooooo clear! The sea was soooooo blue! Beautiful. I was sitting in this super small canoe on the beach (YES the beach. Not in the middle of the sea) rocking side to side while sunbathing (I wanna be tanned cuz I couldn't get fair =.=). And then there's him. Talking to me. Don't really remember what we chatted and then he got call and left me there.

So I continue looking around and there's this super super super weird scary looking forest on the other side of the island. SPOOOOKAY! And I dunno which ass hole cursed the sky, cursed God and all sudden! the trees all shrunk. The cloud shrunk too. The sky turned black and the sea.... OMG i don't even dare to think. (Sorry the dream was pretty messy and no point). I even saw my dog in it! That dog died like ages ago... Man I miss him. So ya! The island got really scary. All the people in that island were running. I ran too. It was like the end of the world! I actually thought I was gonna die! Stuck in limbo forever. Hahahahahaha! And then I got up. PHEW!!!!!! I couldn't imagine if it went on. I will die die die for real. Hahahahaha!!!

Funny thing is, when I looked for Berry to talk, I was so emotional. I never thank God so much I was alive. Too many things I haven't done. I dowanna leave this world just like that. I wanna go Europe! US! Most importantly, I wanna get married!!!

OH!!! Another song which came across my mind just now. Boyzone's Everyday I Love You.

It says, ".... and you'll never live until you love with all your heart and soul." Heck ya! Keith Tay said two weeks consecutively about the happiness of life comes when you love and be loved. Brilliant! Well said. So much in me right now I just wanna spit it all out. Oh well, love does not boast so I'm just gonna keep it to myself. TEEHEE!

Forget tomorrow, I just wanna JUMP! --- Simple Plan